I am not going to diminish or ignore that there are things happening in this country that are awful. I have been processing it and I am not about to throw an anger filled, reactive tirade into the air. I try to be more tactical and intentional with actions and words these days. Response is greater than reaction. This is the thing, despair is a really easy pool to slide into and that water is always inviting. There is undertow there and the kind of thing makes me sick inside. I cannot sideline my progress. I know when I should step back. So instead of doom scrolling and spiraling over things I can’t control, I’m focusing on constructive dialog in closed circles and the things that brought me joy as of late….

Arranging flowers I chose to my favorite soundtrack playlist
The swarm of bees that decided to build in a spot that wasn’t the best but feeling their energy and buzz was astonishing. (they have since been professionally relocated)
Relishing in the care of my plants
Nights that still feel like days
The swapping of messages of mutual admiration across the Atlantic
The black cat that crossed my path
Letting a stranger’s puppy slobber all over my face while waiting in line for coffee
The “I don’t want to go” but did and feeling better after I went.
Learning to love being better to myself and romanticizing my life.
Leaving birthday flowers on the doorstep of one of my most beloved friends.
When you finally start seeing the fruits of your labor
A fresh batch of chemically altered tresses. Good hair days just hit different.
The familiars that watch me cook, clean, work and sleep.
Getting compliments from women
When the good drastically outweighs the bad
“I thought you were, like, 35” (bless your gd heart)
My baby finishing 9th grade and the very welcome break we both need
Peering into old books and sharing the memories they invoked
Getting to see my sister in less than a month
A calendar filled to the brim with wonderful
The wonderful men in my life that get it.
When you know you stopped them in their tracks
Mornings of music, patchouli incense and the sound of wild parrots outside
Candlelit string quartet concerts in a museum with quality company
A work uniform of freshly pressed coffee, loosely tossed bun, boy shorts and a satin robe.

That even when the days feel dark, they also have so much light. I am clinging to hope instead of despair.


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