Do you ever spend your time trolling online, you see something, you tell yourself, “I can totally do that!” and then you chicken out? I’m looking at you fellow Pinterest junkies! Yeah. The art field can be challenging and frustrating as all hell. In fact, anything is… just cause you can make a quesadilla doesn’t make you a chef, right?
Anyway I finally grew a set and bought some printmaking supplies using linocut blocks. I am excited to give this a go because this medium really lends itself to what I do. In order to acquaint myself with the process I decided to do a trial run via the styrofoam method…. and hell, included the nugget in the process.
So this is what we did!
Here is what you need:
pencil, styrofoam cut to spec (take that leftover containers!), a rubber Speedball roller, tube of water soluble Speedball paint, wooden spoon and a little spatula (which I didn’t even end up using), piece of glass and the paper you plan on printing to.
Set up/Execution:
I covered the table with paper to avoid a disaster even if the paint is water soluble. Tape down the glass, you will thank me.
Take a pencil to your styrofoam and draw out your design.
Run a small, horizontal strip of paint on the top portion of the glass, distribute with the roller. Then spread that goodness nice and evenly over your design.
Once you have the paint evenly spread over the design, take it and press it on to the desired surface.
Now this is where the spoon comes in! Carefully flip it over and you take the spoon to the paper. In firm, circular motion you run the spoon all over the paper so it adheres to the styrofoam. Do this for a few minutes.
Gently peel off your paper and there you go!
Set them aside to dry and immediately go wash your roller and glass for future use. Soap and warm water will do.
One thing I will say, the styrofoam method while faster and easier to create a master, you will not get many quality prints from it cause it degrades with every use. I think I got a good 3-4 out of the deal so if you want longevity, go wood or linocut blocks.
That’s next!
This hand rendered type whatnot is kind of addicting yo.
If you are in a position to be a hiring manager, or in a position of authority that involves your interviewing potential candidates I am going to give you a huge tip: PUT YOUR FUCKING PHONE AWAY and give your candidate the time and attention they deserve.
Where is this coming from? Let’s just say someone I know had this happen to them. They spend time prepping for an interview with a panel of people only to have one of those panelists not even making eye contact and playing with their phone the entire time they were being interviewed.
If you cannot put your e-leash away for thirty minutes to give a potential employee your time and respect, how can you expect them to:
A) Even WANT to work for you
B) Have any kind of respect for you as a peer should they even be selected. Cause guess what? They won’t.
You know, I am not on the job market but I know A LOT of people who are. Some more hard up than others, some who NEED the job cause they have families to feed and massive amounts of bills to pay, some who have been looking for 1 year or more, some who need the insurance so badly but cannot afford it on their own, some who just need that chance and are probably great at what they do but are blown off cause they don’t look the part. But check this out, just cause someone is looking for work doesn’t mean they are so hard up they’d be willing to tolerate this class of bullshit. Because that is what it is, a steaming pile of rude, disrespectful, BULL and SHIT.
The job market is terrible enough as it is. Breaking news people! It isn’t just the economy. It is also the people who are put in position to make decisions, a position where their choices affect the lives of others. The same people who cannot even send a properly written email even in a world with autocorrect and spell check, a response to say “thank you for your time”, the people who tell you they will get back to you and leave you waiting for weeks and even months on end with a decision only to be told no.
It’s sad that in a world where technology has made it easier for people to communicate, we are falling to the wayside of one liner e-mails or no response at all cause the bot does it for you. Of course these people don’t see it that way cause they’re sitting pretty at the end of a $5000 conference table, dicking around with their phone. I’m sure that game of Angry Birds is that important it couldn’t wait for you to finish your interview, an interview you were being paid to perform by your company.
We live in a world where common sense and the time of another person is treated with such little respect. I don’t know about you but there is something called “dignity” and I know a lot of people who value themselves enough to have it, enough to not tolerate this class of mistreatment and disregard.
Think about that the next time you pick up your phone while someone is talking to you, asshole.
You know that moment when you are looking for things like your keys and sunglasses, you wrack your brain over their whereabouts only to realize they’re in your hand or on your head? Then you feel like a maroon. Yeah. I have those too. Like today I rode my butt over to the post office only to realize the loot I was mailing was left on the kitchen counter. Doh.
Anyway, yesterday I found myself boiling over the edge and I took to the ole stomping grounds of my livejournal account to post a big ole explosion of words. It needed to happen and the reason it didn’t happen here was cause I was going off about stuff that cannot be public domain. I will sum it up: Josh got the “thanks but no thanks” by a potential employer and recruiter. What blew my top was just how grossly unprofessional the whole process was. So yeah, the Bay Area was becoming imminent and it didn’t happen. We are more than ok with this cause it would have been like getting on the Titanic knowing full well there was an iceberg in its future.
Back to this staring you in the face stuff…. I went to facebook and posted this whole cryptic whatnot about my mystery rant on livejournal and it piqued interest. All of a sudden people were saying, “man! why did I delete my account!”. I know you did.
If you read my livejournal back in the day, before I was posting on my own domain, you will know that my going off about shit was a thing of legend. I tend to be quite verbose when I am pissed off about something that is for sure and I am good at it. Thing is it brings out this nasty, sourpuss of a person which I am trying so hard not to be. But that is what kept people coming around cause they knew eventually I would cross the line of propriety and bitch about [insert subject here].
So I’ll make you a promise, I will do my best to bring it to the table. It isn’t all fluff, art and blooming Spring here. Trust. I just have to choose the words appropriately. The success of a properly dished rant is all contingent on timing and delivery.
Although, speaking of Spring, the other day I saw this tree and I pulled over to cam-ho it up underneath it. Nature makes the best backdrop and this shade of pink is about to disappear til next year. Pretty, no?
So what else is new?
Oh you want to see some bullshit? This right here is bullshit. That moment you open up an overpriced vessel of nature’s butter only to be met with a giant bone in the middle. My other hand would be flipping this off if it wasn’t taking this blurry ass picture instead. First world problems, I know. I take my avocados seriously.
The other day I was sitting at Walgreens waiting for an Rx to be filled. Across from me was an older couple, probably in their mid 70′s. I was entertained with my music but I could not help observing how these two, miserable fucks gawked and made comments to each other about every woman that passed them by. Out of the corner of my eye, I glance a lovely tattooed beauty heading our way and I could already tell where this was going to go. You got to keep in mind that around my hood, you do not see heavily tattooed ladies so she stood out even more. She passed and they gave her the ups, downs and then muttered crap to each other over her appearance, snickering. It honestly took everything in me to not tell them off. I wanted to but then I saw the pile of garbage they were buying: king size boxes of candy – 3 milk duds, 1 hot tamale, 2 mike and ikes, 2 large bags of Cracker Jacks, a large bag of Cool Ranch Doritos and a 12 pack of coke. Diet, for good measure. The woman with feet so red and bloated they muffin topped her mary janes but the tattooed girl was the one with issues. I guess my point of sharing this anecdote is sometimes it’s just best to keep your mouth shut and let fate have its way with people like that. Enjoy that Diet Coke, assholes.
And here are a couple of photos I liked from this week….
Top Left: New stationery! Out Of The Woods notecards are by Emily Martin/The Black Apple on etsy. The others are from Paper Source. Speaking of, need to send another batch of snail mail, especially to those of you who have sent or responded! Maybe one of these will be yours.
Other than that I am really working to get some comission work out from under me so I can focus on designing stuff for sale: aka fabric and gift wrap prints for Spoonflower and artwork for my Society6 shop. Girl wants to make some cheddar to invest in a printer.
Anything you would like to see?
and you are one of the lights, the light of all lights.”
― Van Helsing – Bram Stoker, Dracula
What else can I say that hasn’t already been said? Josh, is the butter on my toast, the Han to my Chewie, the Murtaugh to my Riggs (see what I did there?), the peanut butter to my chocolate. I could sit here all day and talk about great pairings and make a bunch of innuendo jokes about how he is the meat in my taco.. but… oh yeah. I guess I just did.
In any event, today Josh and I celebrate 9 years of marriage and 12 years of perfectly paired days. It hasn’t felt like this long to be honest, I guess that is what it feels like when your life has been surrounded by the best of company. I knew the minute I walked into his ex girlfriend’s house that he was The One, he thought, “I am gonna get in her pants… “. Typical. We knew from the moment we met, to the moment he moved in with me (two weeks later – yes, we cray) that it was for the long haul, and here we are: ups, downs, many laughs, very little squabbles, a nugget, a move to the other side of the country and hopefully a journey back home one day.
Even though I may bust his balls about snoring, forgetting to take out the trash like I asked him to, toilet paper bookmarks and peditos that could kill a small village, he’s mine and always will be. I know gold when I have it and you will have to pry it away from my cold, dead hands before I ever let it go.
I may not know shit about D&D, but I do know one thing, life with you is like rolling a 20 every day. You are the light of all lights, my light and I will love you to the last of my breaths.
Happy Anniversary Josh.
It was an interesting weekend for sure….
On Friday Josh decided to stay and work from home. I love having him around so I wasn’t about to complain. His hesitating whether to go in was only validated later on that day when he came down with some gnarly 24 hr bug that led him on a one way road to Puke Town. If you have ever heard Josh blow chunks, it is violent and sounds like wild animals are being slaughtered in the bathroom. Poor dude. There wasn’t much I can do. We were both grateful Reza was gone when it happened though cause it would certainly have freaked her out. He’s better now and thankfully the girl and I escaped getting it.
This past week we got wind that Reza was chosen to participate in a student art show. The work was chosen by current art teachers who are in process of getting their masters at The University Of The Arts in Philadelphia. Anyway, each teacher chose a handful of the best pieces per class they teach and Reza was one of the 5 from hers. Of course I am beaming about it.
I had the opportunity to talk to her art teacher and she told me that Reza grasps the concepts in class with little to no explanation, miles ahead of the other kids (her words, not mine). I like the fact she is being noticed this early on and with little to no pushing from us. We just give her the tools and words of encouragement. Thing is she likes being artsy… there have been many occasions where we wake up on the weekend, her having been up earlier than us, only I find her on the floor with her sketchbook and watercolor palette.
Two weeks ago she set out to paint a couple thank you notes for some care packages she received. I am doing my best to ensure this child knows about the art of mail and gratitude. Needless to say I managed to capture yet another priceless moment of her and her sidekick Gomez, who seems to enjoy watching her paint.
It has been a veritable rainbow of color around these parts. Spring sprung and I will be sad when the last petal falls from the sea of gorgeous, flowering trees.
The one thing I forgot about was the seasonal allergies that come with it though. The pollen count was SO HIGH this weekend, enough so that my face felt the way Renee Zellweger looks. See that photo in the middle? That yellow shit is pollen. I have never been happier to wake up to a rainy morning… wash that yellow BS away!
This month I wrote about 35 pieces of mail, give or take. That’s nuts. Will I see that many responses? Probably not but hey, you can’t say I am not reaching out and touching someone. In doing so I am kind of having a love affair with typography. I always have mind you, but lately it’s a honeymoon phase. A few people have asked me if I would be inclined to create my own fonts and the answer is yes. I just need to look into doing it right cause if I did it, I wouldn’t do it half assed. In any event here are a couple samples of stuff I have been doing. The last one is a sample of the way I have been addressing my snail mail, made up obviously cause if it was your address I would be getting a nastygram.
I also wrapped up one of branding images that I have on my plate right now, this one being for my friend Kelly. The first word is all hand rendered type, the other a typeface I found online. She was very happy with the results.
Speaking of typographic love affairs, I shot these in Philadelphia yesterday.
Good lord that one is a beauty. You can see a larger version of it here if you are so inclined.
The other day I was sharing with Josh about how on two separate occasions this weekend, I was addressed by older men with terms like “kid” and “baby”. Normally, I don’t like those kinds of terms coming from people who don’t know me but honestly there is something much more endearing when it comes from an older gent. It comes down to the fact that there are so many ways to convey a message, it can be the nicest of messages but if the delivery is wrong, well, your message is pointless. Besides, when you reach a certain point in your life, you realize you got nothing to lose but speak your mind as you see it. So you call me baby Mr. Dude in a wheelchair, playing the guitar on the street. You go.
Yesterday I managed to coerce Josh into watching “This Is 40″ with me. We got some good laughs out of it, especially when homie farts in bed, cause you know, I know NOTHING about that. It was funny in spots but it left me with a couple of thoughts:
1) Are there really people out there in marriages that dysfunctional? Holy crap, glad I am not one of them.
2) I have my moments where the guilt lays in but overall I am glad I stopped at one kid.
3) I don’t care how long Josh and I have been together, there is no way in fricken HELL that I would ever engage in this “watching each other poop” shit. I am sorry. I am all for intimacy but I am more for that little sense of mystery. I don’t need that visual in my head if he wants me to view him in that *sexy time* kinda way if you catch my drift.
And you know what? It wouldn’t be a new season without me bitching about something. Want to know what it is? Geese. These evil Canada geese are breeding, the goslings are adorable but they also park on the trails I ride my bike on. You will not feel a greater anxiety attack until you see a flock of these assholes parked on your trail. Them bitches are MEAN!
I leave you with these parting thoughts.
This week you should….
Listen to a new song and enjoy it. May I suggest “sweater weather” by The Neighbourhood. No shirt, no blouse.
Revisit with someone you haven’t “had the time” to do so with. We all know “no time” is an excuse. I am not exempt here.
Pay a compliment to someone.
If you see a blatant example of idiocy running their mouths (i.e. on facebook), ignore it. You’ll feel better for it instead of poking the bear at the zoo. Arguing with the uneducated and unevolved is about as pointless as giving a fish a bicycle for Christmas.
Flirt with someone shamelessly. Yes, even you married people. It’s an art form.
Oh yeah, and if you are one of the many recipients of my snail mail: let me know it arrived? That’d be cool.
On that note I have an arsenal of laundry to take care of. You have no idea.
Have a great week!
This week our parents celebrate a massive milestone: 50 years of marriage. This is the example I have grown up with and even though I am sure they have had their trying times just like everyone else, they have stuck it out. And if you knew how complicated Dad can be and how bad he snores, oh boy has she had some patience.
In a day and age where people give up on each other at the drop of a hat, it is nice to see that there are still some of us that believe in forever. I only hope Josh and I have the privilege of spending that much time together, a lifetime just isn’t enough.
Feliz Anniversario Mama y Papa.
FIFTY YEARS. Amazing.
Hey kids! I haven’t forgotten… just been a little behind and trying to get caught up on life. I was a tricksy hobbitses and included a small, text only giveaway in my last post. Not many people expressed interest this time around, either that or you missed it entirely. Your loss is Sherron’s gain 
the twins are getting a new home
As usual there will be little nuggets of goodness on this here page, you just need to look out for them!
In other news:
Lots going on around Carley land… Unfortunately it is a lot of stuff that cannot be discussed but when the time is right all will come to the surface. It always does. Dude, I was just one of those cryptic assholes. Damn. Ok, it pertains to operation “get the fuck out of NJ” and that is all I am going to say for now.
Reza’s teacher told the kids in her class that a photo of Reza in front of the Congress Building was “where the president lives”. I cannot even. I have since corrected it to Reza at home and it is only a matter of time she goes running her mouth to the teacher to tell her that she is wrong. HA!
Josh and I have had some awesome rekindling time. As much as having Tom around was awesome, it’s also nice to have our space cause Josh has been getting a hell of a lot of flashing. A LOT. Either way, things between us are good as always. There really isn’t a day I don’t count my blessings with this man who is absolutely the best person I could be spending the rest of my life with. No doubt about that.
Spencer and Josh (aka Irulan) are mad at work on their EP. Josh has been spending hours in the attic, belting out his lungs. It’s cool to have a musician in the house… it’s soothing to be downstairs reading on the couch and I can hear Josh’s voice echoing through the walls. Anyway if you are so inclined to hear a demo of the track they are still working on you can do so over on their soundcloud page. I am really liking where this one is going and that is not biased wife/friend talk either.
The other day I received a copy of the medical examiner report for my brother’s death. I am not going to get into specifics details but let’s just say that it was disturbing to have to read about him and his pieces. We weren’t even close and it left me affected. It was a wake up call on paper is what it was… a lifetime of self abuse, poor health habits, paired with substance abuse and there you go. Gone before 50 and in a condition that was just… yeah. And then there’s the police report and the obvious fact that the bitch who found him blatantly lied to them. I’m gonna let that one go cause it accomplishes nothing. I am doing well with the feelings though. I did get a little upset the other day and obviously our parents are still mourning pretty hard. Dad sounds totally vacant and hollow. I only hope time puts a little band-aid on him and allows him to rid himself of the guilt he carries.
I am finally getting caught up on Breaking Bad and holy shit I am SO GLAD we didn’t move to Albuquerque. What. A. Sand trap. While on the subject of shows, I still don’t miss having cable. What a waste of money!
I don’t know what it is but the staring has been at an all time high. You would think we have monkeys fucking on our heads when we leave the house.
Maybe it’s psychosomatic or not but ever since I kicked the plague and the color came back to our part of the world, I have been in a much better mood. Some stress here and there but that crabby whatnot and feeling on the edge of a depressive state seems to be lifting. Been getting back on the biking routine, taking care of business. Josh and I are still trying to eat as vegetarian as possible. I have slipped a couple times but 3-4 slips in three weeks isn’t nearly as bad as the almost daily meat based consumption we were having. Just this change alone has allowed me to drop about 5 lbs in less than three weeks, give or take. Shit, I will take it.
Speaking of color coming back to the world here are some of my favorite recent shots from the phone…
I am looking to clear some stuff out and I am realizing I have several art pieces, drawing, sketches etc. just sitting around collecting dust. I am gonna be putting it all out for sale (AKA cheap!) so keep an eye out. Soon!
And what’s up with YOU? Lay it on me.
Wow. I didn’t realize it, but it has been almost a month since the last time I opened up this here posting box. A month! Crap. Check it… I have a tendency to get caught up in my own head and when that space gets dark, I feel it is better to take a step back and sort out my feelings before I go opening that door out on to the world. I’m not one of those people who sits around and openly complains about stuff. There is far too much of that on the internet and I try my best to not be one of them.
You got some time? Cause you’re going to need it for this long ass post.
I will start by getting the filthy parts out of the way. And no, not that kind of filth, yo. You wish.
ME
Just like a couple of years ago, I have spent most of the past four months sick. Way too many pills, mucus, sinus and ear infection bullshit, lung bullshit, asshat doctors who weren’t fixing me and shit just kept coming back.
It is emotionally debilitating to spend that much time in a place where your body is giving you the big ole fuck you. Paired with Winter, that is thankfully on its way out, and all of the personal things that transpired in February, I was a heaping, emotional mess. I think I could go as far as saying I was slipping into depression land. Not a great place to be dude.
I finally had an “enough is enough” moment and went back to my dr a week ago and said, “dude, I want to know why this keeps happening, why am I hacking up rainbows of slime, the last guy I saw was a quack and I am doing everything in my means possible with my diet + holistic approach, I want to get better, ENOUGH.” – A breathing test, a chest x-ray, a diagnosis for asthmatic bronchitis, several prescriptions and we are back to business. Within days I started feeling better, sleeping, taking less OTC garbage… OMG dude, you have no idea how awesome it feels like I am heading back to being myself once more.
On top of being sick, I am just utterly home sick. I miss my friends, my family. Fuck this place with a splintered broomstick, for reals. Josh and I are just done with NJ. We will make the best of it till the door out West opens back up. Things are moving, I’m just a tap impatient and wish it would move faster. More on that later if and when there is something to disclose.
Other than that I am dealing with:
still processing my brother dying
the rehashing and reminders of the loss of Nena
the fact that being laid up on/off so much for four months has me feeling like a swollen version of who I am
the fact I am disappointed in a few people. You know, when you give people more importance than they give you? Yeah. It’s bummer town.
Josh decided to start testing the waters on vegetarianism and in turn, I have followed suit. It’s supportive and makes cooking easier. It’s not a permanent lifestyle change by any means but testing the waters is making the both of us figure stuff out. It’s kinda cool but I won’t lie, when you grow up in such a meat-centric culture, it can be a little daunting. I have felt a lot better and I don’t know if it’s psychosomatic or what but I am definitely going to abide by more dietary changes this Spring/Summer.
ART
Not all was lost being sick and holed up in the house. It seems that the one thing that didn’t suffer, in fact picked up with force was my art. I have been drawing/painting/creating on an almost daily basis. If you follow me on instagram or facebook you have probably seen a great deal of it.
This is my problem with my creative stream… I do a lot of different things and because I like so many different looks and mediums I find myself dabbling instead of honing my personal style.
Last week I had a total epiphany. I posted a couple pieces that I was super proud of, they poured out of me totally organically and it hits me. This is it Ivonne, this is *YOUR* style. Ironically if you saw some of the stuff I drew when I was much younger, it looks like an evolved style of those drawings. Case in point…
I drew this when I was like, 20? 21?
This is the recent stuff…
I see the similarities and I just think maybe I need to continue to explore this avenue while still keeping the toes in the other puddles to stay challenged. I really like this direction.
Now I just need to get some $$ together to get a decent printer to run my own prints cause a lot of people are asking. And before you suggest kickstarter, it’s not my m.o. – It makes me feel like an e-panhandler.
I have some commission work in the pipe and I am going to get to it lickety split.
REZA
Girl turned another corner and thankfully for the better. She has been in a funk as much as I have, partially attributed to the fact she had a sinus infection for a month. She got treated and it came back with full force. So a month of snot and hacking up for her too. She is doing a lot better now.
She has been busting ass in karate and recently was upgraded to orange belt. She was super stoked. I am just bummed cause if and when we move she may have to start over or lose her rank. But dude this face… look at it.
We recently went bowling for the first time and she absolutely loved it. Girl is pretty decent with the bumpers up 
She finally got to make her first real snow man. We got a freak of nature snow day that kept Josh home. It wasn’t the best now but Josh, Tom and her got in a slushy snowball fight. Plus, it was now or never! her first snowman was born. She christened him “Snowdirt”
Her current favorite songs are:
Pure Imagination and I Want It Now from the original Willy Wonka soundtrack
Big In Japan – Alphaville
She pretty much reads on her own now, blows through her flash cards, is getting infinitely better at the first grade level math books I have been working with her on. Girl is so flipping smart it blows me away.
Oh yeah and she is a hairline under 4′ and about 55 lbs. Dude.
And here is a bunch of Jumbalaya I want to share…
Stryper has a new album where they re-recorded their old whatnot and I have to say this dude still sounds really fucking good. Well played, even if you’re God Squad, I forgive you.
We finally took the plunge and cancelled our cable and do not regret it one bit. Time is scarce to get sucked into that shit, more when I have tons of far more productive business to tend to.
Filter has a new album coming and the single is awesome. Here’s to hoping the rest of it is just as promising.
I made this crockpot chicken enchilada soup and it was really good.
If you are a coffee connoisseur, I came across PT’S Coffee and their beans are ON POINT. A little on the pricer side but absolutely worth shelling out for a small bag. The Villa Loyola is tasty freeze.
Josh finally got to fulfill his lifelong dream of seeing the Air & Space Museum at the Smithsonian Complex in DC. Nerdery ensued. It was so cool watching him be that stoked on something. In fact we all shlepped down to DC for the day, did some museum, walking, met up with Diana and ended the day with some amazing Burmese food. If you’ve never had it, GO.
Are you paying attention? Let’s see how much you are. As you know, every once in a while I do giveaways on my blog and like past occasions, I am giving away another conjoined gingerbread man cookie cutter (like this one). All you need to do is comment saying you want it and I will enter you in a drawing. That is it… and only to this post, not on fb, livejournal or otherwise.
I spent the past couple of days writing notes, making cards, postcards. I am all about reaching out and touching someone. I like being honest, telling people I know and love how awesome they are. In the past 2 days there were 16 cards and a postcard… you lucky recipients will know who you are when they arrive. I hope I get some responses, my mailbox could use more than pizza joint menus and bills.
My oldest sister got attacked by a german shepherd the other day. The owner said his dogs were cool and they were walking around them and then all of a sudden the fucker clamped down on her knee. 25 stitches later. Fucking sucks… sadly this happened in Mexico so there are like zero legal repercussions. She is ok but a little upset for obvious reasons. Hey universe? Throw Liz a big bone yeah? She could use some happy pie.
And no, I am not being paid for any of the linkage. I should be! But hey, I still share the love where it is due. Si!
MUSIC:
“A Different Arrangement” by Black Marble. It’s really fricken good, kind of a synth-like Joy Division. Hard to explain but really damn awesome.
Also the self title by Jatun.
This track that Spencer made under ZYXT – Josh on vocals.
CONCLUSIONS
Spring is here and even though the air still bites, the color is returning to this dreary world, in more ways than one. If I have been distant, crabby, uncommunicative, I am gonna pull a total dude breaking up with his chick… “It’s not you, it’s me”. Trust me, if it was you I would fucking tell you.
Thanks for waiting around for me, it means the world.
Oh and Spencer, I love you. I know you read every single line. Josh? Thanks for putting up with my coughing, hacking, cranky self. You are the sun in my universe.
A much delayed update with a bunch of convoluted thoughts all piled up into one non-flowing post…
On the art front I have been trying to do something almost daily. “Almost” being the operative word here. If you follow me on Instagram you will probably seen a lot of these. I really need to get on making stuff for sale.
Ever since I got back from San Diego I didn’t really get upset over his loss but it finally got to me again. Yesterday was what would have been my brother’s 46th birthday. His lifestyle, choices and dietary habits were so poor that he didn’t even live to see 46. It makes me sad that he didn’t love himself enough to want to be better. So yesterday I was in a huge funk and despite my best efforts to not lose it, I finally lost it while making polenta and listening to Motley Crue. They were one of his favorite bands after all. What makes it worse is we are still dealing with the settling of his affairs/belongings. It makes me sick that people can be so despicable, on one hand they mourn and on the other they come pecking like vultures wanting to claim things. I am not surprised considering some of the ilk he hung out with but still, the fact people even feel entitled to things that the deceased leave behind is just gross. Our parents went back to Mexico already, with his ashes in tow. I spoke to them yesterday… Mom is putting up a good front, I am proud of her. My Father on the other hand just didn’t sound like himself, he felt vacant. I can only imagine where his headspace is at.
Things here at home are ok. Tom hanging out with us has been really good for everyone involved really. We are all staying distracted while trying to focus on our respective chapters to be written. It’s certainly keeping me from going batshit crazy cause he is always about going out exploring and walking. Watching the cats finally grow a set of balls against Tom’s dog has been kind of funny despite having to play referee to keep them apart cause one of the three is bound to get fucked up here if we don’t.
The weather decided to grace us with something other than winter bullshit and we went on a household excursion to walk around Laurel Hill Cemetery, AGAIN. A gorgeous 60 degree day in Winter is not to be wasted. I love that place and I know it will be one of the few things I will miss about living here. Some people would call us a little morbid for going out on a walk to a cemetery but hey, it’s pretty, historic, quiet and isn’t full of assholes! Win!
The rest of the photos I took at Laurel Hill can be viewed here.
Otherwise I won’t lie, I am stressed as all hell. I am trying not to be but it shows in everything from my mood, weight, the way I eat, my skin. I am worn. Why you ask? Well, for a while now we have had the “we need to get out of here” fire. For several months my gut was telling me that things at Josh’s job were going to go south and as predicted, they totally did. His employer filed for bankruptcy last month. Good. Times. It isn’t like I am spilling any beans here, it’s all over the news which I am forcing myself not to read anymore cause it just makes me want to crap my pants. Anything of this nature reeks of instability and as well as they try to spin it, this is never a good thing. We uprooted and moved here cause we needed to but it was sold in a manner that made it more appealing and well, it wasn’t necessarily the case. So now the fire to get out of here is even hotter. Josh is so good to reassure me about things but I can see that we’re both stressed cause the last thing we want is to get stuck in New Fucking Jersey. Pair this with the emotional upheaval that was the entire month of February that equates to me = mess.
I signed up to be a bone marrow donor. I was the recipient of a life saving blood donation when I was younger and I got to figure if I am capable and eligible, I should make myself available to return the favor. So I did. We will see if I am accepted once they get my samples processed.
So yeah, there are other things I want to get into but that’s another post. I will say this, I dunno how I would have gotten through the past couple of weeks without Josh. The man not only has the patience of a saint to put up with me but he does it with such tact and finesse. Things may be crazy all around us for the time being but he is always a constant sun, shining light into my universe.
My name is Ivonne and this is where I come to unload. Artist, wife, mother, loud mouth, blogger, crafter and multipurpose elf.
Over a year ago, my family and I did the unthinkable and uprooted from the West to the East Coast. You can imagine the culture shock when a Mexican, West Coast girl lands herself in South New Jersey. If anything it has made for some ridiculous stories.
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