lists

There is great power within you, you just need to know how to hone it, where to direct it and when to withdraw it. It is a delicately mastered art. 

Convey your feelings often, hold onto nothing. The good, the bad, the ugly. All have an appropriate outlet but the timing is just as important as the delivery.

Ask for help when you need it. It’s ok. Needing help is not weakness. 

Take your own advice. 

Don’t listen to them and trust your gut. You may be wrong but you may learn or gain something out of the process. It’s never a waste if the lesson was learned.

Don’t ever let anyone tell you how or who you should be, what you do with your time and who you give yourself to.

If a partner treats you like shit, you leave. Life is too short to spend it with people who don’t cherish you. Same goes for friends, family, jobs. Better is out there.

Speaking of friends, sometimes the best ones will be in the most unlikely of places. Always pay attention to the ones that listen and reciprocate. Get rid of the ones who don’t – some we write chapters with. Others? An entire anthology.

It’s ok to be a little shameless. Revel in your guilty pleasures, hang onto the things that bring you joy – that’s where the magic is.

Don’t place value in how others perceive you. You will deny yourself so many wonderful life experiences because of it if you do. And honestly, there will always be someone who doesn’t care for your brand but on the other side there are others who will stock their pantry full of You.

Learn and master the art of humility, grace, gratitude, giving/accepting a compliment. (You will excel in this, I promise you)

Having boundaries doesn’t make you a bitch, too much or picky. You need them in your life and if people want to push them, it’s because they benefit from your not having them.

Say “thank you” A LOT.

Spend more time with critters. They will teach you far more about love than some of the people you bring into your life.

Find intimacy in the mundane. Intimacy it not something that is reserved exclusively for romantic partners and means far more than sex and physical contact. You will learn to discern it and it is one of the most rewarding feelings ever. You will crave it with unparalleled intensity.

Do lots of things for yourself, don’t wait for someone to do it for you. Make that bucket list and start checking it off. Go to the places, buy the plane ticket, take the leaps.

Don’t let people harden you. Trust is a beautiful thing and one of the many ultimate acts of love. And when you find it, sink your claws into its back.

Question everything but know when to surrender to uncertainty.

Learn the difference between loyalty and fidelity.

Get outdoors more. Some of the best places are outside and free. They will fulfill you more than clubs and bars ever will.

Be better with your finances. I know people say that it doesn’t matter. It does. It doesn’t buy happiness but it certainly helps keep you from being stressed out all the time. Taking care of what you have is > abundance.

Anger has its place but ask yourself why you’re angry instead of letting it poison you. One day that anger will fuel you in ways that will change your life.

Don’t reward the bare minimum. A poorly made meal on your fine china is still a poorly served dish.

Travel. See new places, road trip, try new things. You will come back a changed person and will teach you more than a book ever will. Experiences > things. The comfort zone is where happiness goes to die.

Go to therapy. It will, quite literally, save your life.

Pay attention to who celebrates your wins with you and who stays silent. Not everyone around you wants to see you succeed or be happy. The miserable disguise themselves as snakes, and in some cases, flowers in your garden.

Student loans are a sham. Higher education is not a unit of measure for your value as a human being.

Romanticize the absolute poetic fuck out of your life.

Love your own company above all others. The company you do keep should match or elevate what you bring to the table.

One day you’re going to die and no one will give a fuck about your resume or what you had. But will they remember if you were a good person? Absolutely. Focus on that part because your accomplishments really mean nothing to anyone but you.

Be honest. Deceit is for the morally corrupt and you’re better than that.

No one likes a sourpuss. So if you’re going to be that person, work on finding the source and fixing what is making your puss sour.

Just because you can doesn’t mean you should.

One day you’re going to bring a tiny person into the world. Their arrival will be transformational and the greatest and purest lesson of selfless love you will ever know. Relish in every second you have with her.

Hold on to your integrity, it is the kind of thing that will let you sleep peacefully at night.

Save the softest parts of you for those who show you that you’re cherished to the bone and hold you with white gloved care. Undress your soul for them, let them sink their teeth into your dripping everything.

floral decay.
swapping hand written notes with pretty penmanship over instant messages.
when colors in the sky paint colors the way someone makes you feel.
removing all those contacts off my phone because they really don’t need to be there anymore (or deserved to be).
when imagery speaks louder than words.
when their musical taste aligns with yours.
a clean slate.
the deviation from my usual comfort zone and being pleasantly surprised when it welcomes me like a warm embrace.
chocolate + pb ice cream in bed.
a multitude of inside jokes.
when both cats pile up in bed with me.
when you know you’ve found one of the real ones and that the appreciation is reciprocal.
having things that are “ours” and no one else’s – and that I can have those things with more than one person without ego or competition.
seeing them and feeling nothing.
the realization I need to be better, kinder and more diligent towards myself. Nothing like getting sick (again) to push one into some self reflection about this flesh vessel.
accidental nudges that remind me that there is always room to practice a little more humility and gratitude… and a lot more grace.
how simpler times are so easily embodied in something as small as a photobooth picture with one of your best friends – and the flash of nostalgia, the smell of the beach, the song that was playing just falling out of your journal into your lap – all in a split second.
our mutual thoughts of my tresses wrapped around their fingertips.
the love affair with the “-ber” months, even if they seem to pass in the blink of an eye.
editing. extensively.
spooky autumn missives on black stationery.
picking your battles for the right reasons.
making someone see an overlooked song in a completely different light.
watching friends make a dream come true.
realizing that everything in life is a choice and in knowing that, it makes it much easier to process or swallow as things unfold.

A list of March goodness…

When that “yes” feels unequivocal

Leaps of faith that are reciprocal 

Icelandic incense paired with morning coffee

Nurturing my Self with all kinds of really good things

Actions instead of just being thoughts or theory

When hope feels larger than despair

Ravenous alchemy

When an image of you is responded to with poetry

Nipping away at that list of procrastinations that haunt

Snail mail packages that hit the mark

Men that can express their vulnerability and take accountability without as much of a flinch

That really huge bucket list item paired with someone I look forward to

Making soup from scratch while singing along to rock en Español, then to English and back. Bilingual shit is cool as fuck.

When the thought of you doesn’t hurt anymore

That they still ask me if I can make them a “sanny” (mom sannies just hit different)

The feeling of laying down a hard boundary that old you would have totally tolerated and not feeling bad about it in the least

My body as a canvas

The magic in the edges and corners of a pop-tart

The evening murder of crows that flies by the house every day

Fragrance as a love language

Promising physical parts of yourself as altar-like offerings

A sense of accomplishment from handling *all* the adulting

Planning visits from friends

When the chaff weeds itself out

Feeling the crack in the dam of blocked creativity. May those waters rage

Taking myself out on a date

When former parts of me become unrecognizable, in a palpable and revelatory kind of way.

The unwavering love that Rez + I have for The Princess and The Frog

Being woken to feline biscuit making on my back

When you’re consistently shown signs that you chose the right path and direction

New music Friday delivering all kinds of unexpected gold

The news I get to see my sister I haven’t seen in almost 3 years

Antique store dates

The squad of unwavering female nazgul

Spring and that extra hour of daylight that is so welcome

Euphoria Sunday with Them.

New ephemeral accoutrements ~ and the hands I know they’ll end up in.

When people come back and thank me for the introduction to their new favorite thing(s).

Difficult conversations that flow from a place of vulnerability, honesty, care and locked limbs.

Being referred to as exquisite and rare.

Arranging my own Valentine’s roses cause love is more than just for others. I’m giving it to myself too.

When you catch those old demons trying to surface and bait me – and actively choosing to not be the version of myself I outgrew a long time ago.

The way He laughs and calls me “Ms. Garcia”

When I took that long ass paragraph I hastily wrote, erased it and sent one line. Because I am better than that.

Saying what I feel, mean and doing so without fear or hesitation.

Receiving a photo of a gift I gave a past love and observing that even now, decades later, there is a still a piece of me that harbors that wide eyed, romantic innocence.

When you discover another layer of commonality and something special in the least expected places. Sometimes in something as simple as a shared love of baked goods.

Sunday morning chisme session phone calls with friends over coffee.

The secondhand excitement when others in your life get a taste of joy.

Learning to be ok with uncertainty and not needing to know everything.

When you can feel the smile that the mask is concealing.

When you’re reminded how small the world can be by chance and coincidence.

Laughter clad Mario Kart battles.

When the new mantra is “you don’t owe them shit”

Breaking patterns I was conditioned to accept as normal when they sure as fuck weren’t.

Shared understandings, deepened connections and new rituals.

Earnest exchanges in the form of words of adoration.

Repotting my plants on the kitchen floor without a care of how dirty it got me.

Strolling in an empty, flower clad garden center with nothing but my music in my ears.

Scoring a free soft serve cone that was consumed in the open trunk of my car as I fed the parking lot crows.

Feeling peace even when you have to make rights that feel wrong and knowing you’re right in them.

Huddling over the one menu to decide what we’re going to order.

The Friendly.

When the growth is palpable… and I’m reminded just how far I have come despite the unspeakable grossness I’ve had to endure.

Daydreaming about plots to new and far away places… and what it will be like when we share the same set of stars.

Drawing boundaries like swords in battle because I will not tolerate unkind, uncalled for and disappointing behavior.. from anyone. That’s what worth feels and looks like and I deserve better.

How goddamn proud my kid makes me. Every day.

Taking the baby steps towards being better no matter how hard a step it is to take because life is such a gift and I need to let it expand in my lungs.

Picking out paint swatch colors for my room.

Knowing the cord is still wrapped around His wrist.

Making wishes on the same shooting star.

Black cat snores and the claws that hang on to me.

A comfortable silence

When they know how you take your coffee, perfectly

Being accepted as you are, without hope or agenda

A handwritten letter

Knowing when something smells distinctly like someone you know

Warming your hands in their hoodie pockets

Attention to detail

Going somewhere that instantly feels like home

Having your hair washed by someone other than you

When you reach for the same thing, at the same time as someone else

Letting someone try your beverage met with eye contact

“I saw/heard this and it made me think of you”

Waking to your cat sleeping on your chest

Shared understandings that require no explanation

Uncontrollable laughter through tears

Pressing lips into unconventional places

Crying with company

Hearing “I miss you” in a manner you can feel in your bones

The blanket being pulled over you after you fell asleep

Plucking an eyelash off their face so they can make a wish off of it

Wearing a garment that doesn’t belong to you

A hand on your back as they walk past you

Inside jokes that no one will ever fully understand besides those in the know

Enthusiastic consent

Simultaneously cracking the sugar on the crème brûlée with our spoons

Sincere gratitude

Meeting, giving to and rewarding yourself

Your name in their penmanship and escaping their breath

Wearing your bruises like an intentionally painted canvas

When you part ways with something you love… for the final time

Knowing they’ve changed you forever in the best of ways

Hearing “message me when you’re home so I know that you’re safe”

Deliberately ordering different things so the table can taste everything

My art on your walls

Surrender

The wide-eyed wonder of experiencing a first time ever

Sharing books

Getting ready in the same space

Deep, platonic love

Not having to keep score

Splitting one slice of cake, multiple utensils

Sharing an umbrella in a downpour

A door being opened for you

Knowing we’re both thinking the same thing, but it goes unspoken

The loyalty of a kept promise

• Detoxify from the noise. Watch, read and follow what and who contribute something toward your growth, progress and happiness.
• Water and cultivate the things that bring you joy.
• Don’t hold out on the nicer things just for special occasions. You deserve special all the time. Give them to yourself.
• Support establishments and businesses that align with your ethics and ethos.
• Give to the ones that show up. No more real estate to tenants that aren’t in escrow.
• If there is no return on your investment, it’s bankruptcy for the soul. Your time is worth gold.
• Cull that “friends” list. Unfriending and/or blocking is vital to protect your peace. Not all of those “friends” want the best for you and social media connections are not a unit of measure for quality.
• Don’t wait for it or them.
• Speak to and about yourself in a kinder manner.
• Give yourself the grace you give others.
• Write the unsent letter. Burn it and release the ashes to the sea. Rid yourself of those feelings they didn’t deserve.
• Amplify your sense of gratitude.
• It is beyond ok to say no without an explanation or apology.
• Foster a greater sense of empathy and compassion.
• Focus on your part of the equation, it’s the only thing you have control over.
• Kindness is free. Use it often.
• Sit with it before you choose to respond.
• More living, less apologies.
• When you’re projected on, remember that’s their shit and you don’t have to take it on. Their behavior will always say more about them than it ever will about you. Your truth will always be a shield from misplaced blame.
• Ask for help when you really need it. The right ones will show up for you.
• If you have to tell them how you want and need to be treated, they’re not the kind of people that belong in your life.
• Pay compliments often.
• Tell them you love them…. more.
• Honor: your space, what your body and mind implore for, your integrity, her/their space and growth.
• You don’t owe anyone shit, or your silence.
• Read and finish the books on your nightstand.
• You don’t “have to” do anything you don’t want to or don’t feel comfortable with.
• Don’t believe in empty apologies with unmatched behavior.
• Better yet, don’t wait for apologies that will never arrive. Forgive yourself instead.
• Say “thank you” and “I appreciate you”. Often.
• Scratch off a couple items on the “I always wanted to do/try/go there” list.
• The relationship with Yourself will always be your greatest love story.
• Have the days you deserve and the nights you want.

beautiful meals and holiday themed libations with excellent company

the bittersweet anticipation of a looming pilgrimage home

when plans go as hoped for, if not better

Our mutual respect, admiration and appreciation

frozen yogurt runs and bouncing to music with Them in the car

plush socks and a winter storm

rain and a xmas tree

when that karmic retribution finally arrives

when I crack open my journal to Your letter falling out

warm mugs in cold hands

conversations that flow like smooth lubrication

in tears holding Their hand to a chorus of gay men singing holiday songs

“hand out the drugs” by Kite. on repeat, in the rain

Coven reinforcements who remind me I don’t have to do it alone

holiday cards arriving in the mail

knowing I don’t have to pretend or fake it till I make it

being met where I am

the girl and I making holiday gifts in the kitchen to Silk Sonic’s “fly as me”

singing Megan Thee Stallion with R and their friend in the car

sleeping familiars on my desk as I work

eggnog flavored nonsense

when you feel a connection plunge into a more profound depth

when I now find humor in things that used set me off

group chat inside jokes (love you bitches)

witnessing my squad reap the rewards of all their hard work

candid conversations filled with perfectly imperfect humanity

homemade lemon meringue sugar body scrub

the BEST neighbors

the sound of His voice so vivid I could feel the sparkle and smiles when it finally arrived

smell of: cedar + balsam, Fantabulosa, fireplace from outside

revelry in Our devilry.