for reza

Dear Nugget,

I am not sure how this happens but time flies by so much faster when I am watching someone grow up. Better yet, watching you grow up. It’s an interesting state I find myself in cause as proud I am of your newfound independence, there is also that moment where I catch myself looking at you and my heart is breaking inside cause you are no longer a helpless little person. You are a full blown kid.

In the past month you not only figured out how to tie your own shoes but you started reading. Words! Books even! And yes, those books are simple but still, you aren’t even in kindergarten yet and here you are pointing words out to us. I thought I beamed with pride when you took your first steps, but this? Your sitting there with a book and reading it to me? Isn’t that my job? You have your voice, opinions, commentary and always have something funny to say. You make me so damn proud of the person you are growing into every day.

You love to brush my hair, you tell me you like my hair color, the way I do my nails, that I am the best Mom ever and that I am beautiful. You are seriously one of the most expressive children I have ever known, but then again, I haven’t known too many.

This morning you walked past me and hugged me. I felt the top of your head on the bottom of breasts. Yes, your Mom is a shorty but dude, you need to cut this out. Slow down just a little bit cause my one and only is crossing things by leaps and bounds and I dunno if I am ready. It’s not like I have a choice, you can’t keep that freight train from passing by so quickly but throw your Mom a bone yeah? I don’t want to be the smallest person in the house anytime soon.

We were walking around town this afternoon and you kept saying “I love you” over and over. You caught yourself and said you probably say it too much. I doubt I would ever tire of it Special Sauce, there will come a day where that may taper off. I hope it doesn’t cause if you only knew the twinkle it brings to my eyes, you would know how happy it makes me.

So two things… one: I love you so damn much. two: keep being this awesome… cause seriously, I see the powerhouse of a lady you are turning into and I can only imagine how amazing you are going to be years from now. More than you already are.

It’s a pretty awesome feeling to have two of the best things that ever happened to me under the same roof. Thanks for being one of them.

Love,

Mom

*******

And for my own reference right now you love: corn bread, the word “science”, hanging out with Gomez, adventures in Philadelphia, doing shadow puppets before bed time, picking out your own outfits, gemstones, Monster High and as always, vampires.

things I love

Every Valentines Day I have notoriously written sappy ass posts about my husband to which many people either gushed or threw up a little in their mouths. Sorry yo! I can’t help it. So instead of making y’all sick with my wussery, I will instead tell you about things I have been loving on…

Shopping with my iPod in tow. Yes, I probably look silly mouthing words and doing some ass wiggling in the bread section but look, the mundane can be extraordinary when you have a club in your ear. Music, I would be nothing without you.

I am addicted to the antique stores. I never cared as much cause the stores in Cali were picked over and the selection was just not as cool. Now, don’t think I am on a spending spree, I go in search for very specific things and most of the time I don’t find what I have an eye out for.

The other day I found myself driving to BFE Jersey… No joke! it was total farmland but I heard this was THE place to hit and holy hell were they right. Grist Mill Antiques was a house that is top to bottom crammed with loot. Two floors and every single inch of this joint is sections of stuff. Get a load of this business:

This is NOTHING. It’s just one of those things that you just have to be there to grasp the magnitude of awesome. I didn’t get much, I did however score a friend a complete set of turquoise Amish print pyrex, for $30! What did I score up on?

Skeleton keys. I have been picking these up when I find the ones with interesting finishes or shapes. The collection is growing and I will eventually be putting them in a shadow box or?? Who knows. I found a shop that had the smaller “kid keys” @ 3 for 50 cents. YEAH.

Other items I have an eye out for are vintage halloween, religious, medical, apothecary, things with devils and Freemason loot… I managed to find these two Eastern Star plates ($3.50 total! DEAL) and a couple jars that weren’t an arm and a leg. Vintage apothecary can get expensive yo!

Other things I love… well, LOVE. I thank every day that I am not jaded about the idea of love and am just as open to give it as it is to receive. I went through my instagram feed this morning and realized I tend to have a reoccurring theme amongst my photos. I guess I am a romantic at heart and I am ok with my cover being totally blown.

And speaking of LOVE, the new LOVE stamps from the USPS are money! Not as cool as those king + queen ones from a few years ago but still. I just stocked up cause I have been a snail mail machine as of late. No amount of instant gratification from email and texts will ever replace the gesture of getting something in the mail.

Other items that have been on my affection receiving end…

The Q&A journal. Every day is a question and you fill it out for 5 years. ($10-15 depending where you get it)

Baby Lips by Maybelline. I have the cherry and peppermint, they’re awesome and cheap! Available at all drug stores. Do not pay more than $4 for these. Mine were in the $3 range. (thanks for the tip @ Tara from Leviticus Jewelry <--- check her out /shameless) Matte About You polish by Essie. This turns any gloss polish into a matte. It pretty much rules. ($10 or so - anywhere Essie is sold, I scored mine at ULTA and Bed Bath and Beyond) And then there is that evil chocolate bar stuffed with cookie butter from Trader Joes. I stand by my theory that Trader Joes is ran by Satan himself. This is just another tasty goodie they totally nailed it on. And even more loves! Philly "we are young" by Fun. the fact Gomez purrs every time I touch him Spotify guilty pleasures stompy boots that say "I don't care what you think about me" every time I put them on The Big Pink (that is not a euphemism for vagina, at least not in this post anyway) body piercings! I just recently got some redone that I took out for childbirth... delicious rush. Must get more getting to see and catch up with old friends visitors! 6 months and I have seen several pieces from home which is so damned awesome The fact that Winter is coming closer to an end Ok, did you seriously think I was going to write a post about love and not include the ones I love the most? Uh yeah. I know this is an old photo but damn do I love it. Josh and Reza, without you I am only a shell of a woman. I love you more than life itself.

viva el amor! what do YOU love?

fill in the blank friday saturday


(the collage from my livejournal page that has been my first blog since 2001, posts from here still go there)

1. I started my blog because I have always been an opinionated person. I needed an outlet to put things out there and I happened to stumble on livejournal and the rest is history. To be honest I didn’t think anyone would really read my stuff but I picked up (and kept) quite a few friends from the mix.

2. One thing I love seeing on other blogs attractive visuals, good writing, posts of complete and total honesty… the good, the bad, the heartbreaking. There is a lot to be said about being able to drop the guard and show vulnerability.

3. Something I love about blogging is that it has really opened the doors to getting to know some pretty amazing people. Without my blog/e-presence I probably would have never met or known some of the awesome people that I know all over the world.

4. A favorite blog post of mine is probably when I finally mustered up the courage to post a photo of my post baby tummy. It was so liberating to get that off my back and the response it mustered on and offline was not what I expected. Again, the whole vulnerability thing… I showed a side of me that people had never seen and it turn it was met with positivity. If you are curious you can read it here.

5. Something my friends in real life know about me that I’ve never before mentioned on my blog is anything that goes on behind the scenes between Josh and I. Josh and I have a very harmonious home life, we communicate extremely well, we are very much in love and functional. Despite these things there are moments where we find ourselves out of sync, miscommunicate and have very rare spats. I don’t believe in airing out dirty laundry on the web for a number of reasons, not because I am trying to paint this picture perfect scenario of my marriage, more because I have the deepest amount of respect for Josh and what we have… and if we have beef of any kind I am not putting it out there to be the fodder of others. But, I talk to my friends about things cause an outside perspective can always help you view things from a different angle.

6. My new favorite blogs to read are not so new: Spencer (when he posts), Josh (who has cobwebs on his), The Crave List by my girl Dinah, Alice, Haute Macabre, Coilhouse, Papercrave and The Black Apple.

7. Some things I tend to avoid doing on my blog are graphic details about my sex life, money, politics, religion and some topics pertaining to Josh (see #5^)

*****
in case you want to play along

corndog muffins

As with many things I see on Pinterest, I finally got around to making another pin I saved for corndog muffins. Reza loves her cornbread and since this was simple to make, we got in the kitchen and hooked it up.

Mix your bread whatnot as usual and put in the muffin tin. We cut up the hot dog in little circles and each muffin got 4-5 slices of pushed into them. (see what I did there?) I also got the idea to sprinkle some cheese on the top of a few just to see how they would come out.


(will you look at this kid? freshly baked muffin, iPad and sleepy kitties on the couch. does it get better than that?)

Dude! These are good! And dare I say the ones with the cheese are better. I didn’t serve them with ketchup & mustard though, wasn’t feeling it. The kid loved them. The only thing I would probably do different is maybe up the hot dog slices by 1-2 and maybe put small cubes of cheddar up in that piece. Overall these are a hit! Just make sure you serve warm, they’re better that way.

I used:
Cornbread mix from Trader Joes, Hebrew National hot dogs (the only ones I will ever use), Mexican blend cheese from Trader Joes.

The pin doesn’t track back to the original post for some reason so whoever had this idea, well played! I take no credit for this awesome “why didn’t I think of that” idea.

jumbalaya

I found myself in Philly exchanging some boots and I stopped to get me a latte. Now, I know people love to poo poo on Starbucks and their burnt coffee. I never go there for drip. But this? I have to say, this is a whole lot of awesome. Starbucks, this cup is so well played because its big love infested heart just made me smile, more than the overpriced latte in it. My chai latte could have been made with milk from the tit of the goddess Athena herself and I would still think the cup surpassed its awesomeness. Rad cup is rad. Touché siren coffee establishment.

I finally got me some much needed new boots. I am not much of a shoe person cause wide/flat feet limit me a lot and now that I am sporting a sexy case of tendonitis in the ankle, I can’t wear anything with a heel. FAIL. I do have to say though, having a Dr. Martens store nearby is so damn awesome. What I really wanted was a pair of Triumphs (adorable!) but contrary to what is on their site, those are NOT a true black. It’s more like off black/greyish color. From what I was told, it is possible the true black editions may arrive in the Fall so if you want those, hold out. In the meantime I have me a set of sexy and stompy boots that don’t have a zipper up the side, those are for cheaters.

Chris, our homie from SD and visitor #4, was here last week. We did a lot of showing him around, chillin’ etc. It was nice to have another piece of home around for sure. I love walking around downtown Philly, even if I was in pain. Chris, who loves all things East Coast, left a tad more enamored. (sorry Michelle!)

I finally got the opportunity to see the infamous Liberty Bell. Chris and I went into Philly for one last hurrah before the airport and we walked past where they have it and there was zero line which was kind of unusual so we rocked it. Great piece of history but I will admit it was a tap anticlimactic. The glare in there was not very conducive to cell camera so I will have to go back with the big guns for a better shot. The security was crazy though, I am surprised they didn’t ask for a urine sample.

I am coming up on the 6 month mark of being out here and as much as I could hate on it, dare I say it feels more and more like home every day. Things aren’t as foreign feeling, I can get around with less GPS and the Philly skyline is more and more inviting as the days go by. That’s the cool thing about going somewhere new… every day you discover something new.

I took a couple of self portraits the other day that I liked. I tend to hide when I am going through pockets of insecurity, which as of late has been more frequent than usual. Either way I try to step in front of the lens from time to time, if only to remind myself that it’s just as good to be there as it is to be behind.

Now, this is where I commit a total faux pas. I am of the accord that if you are going to write a blog post it should have attractive visuals, ESPECIALLY when it comes to food. I made the mistake of not taking photos of this with the big gun and well, average photo is average and probably makes this look unappetizing as shit but I am going to share anyway.

This is what I served Josh and Chris for superbowl sunday. A cheese board. Sorry, but if I am getting suckered into making treats, I might as well make it good. No effin chicken wings up in this piece. I will be the first to pull my own chain and say this was a damn good cheese board.

Top row: Boursin, Sottocenere with Truffles, Red Dragon (ale & mustard seed), brie, Humboldt Fog, Chimay à la Bière, prosciutto
center: fig spread and mini pickles from whole paycheck
bottom row: red grapes, salami, green apple and another cut of meat I cannot remember. (cringe hippies, it’s ok)

Serve with mini toasts, warm baguette and crackers. If you are a lover of stinky cheese and mustard, that Red Dragon is some nice stank and will leave your breath like it could kill a small village. I made a warm ham & cheese with it and wow. You should too! Just know some of those nuggets are not cheap.

I was recently contacted by an agency who places advertisements in blogs. I don’t like the idea of ads on my blog but I entertained the idea to see what they would say. Sorry, but $30 or less an ad just isn’t worth it when I am being told what to write in my posts and placing ads for shit I don’t like/use/believe in. Some people would say I am stupid for passing on it but I dunno, I don’t need the money that bad to do something I don’t really care for. All it would do is make me feel dirty and the only things I like dirty are my chai, sex and beats.

I can smell you

Yesterday was the Sheriff’s birthday. As you know she is one of my bestest friends in the whole wide world. Last year I gave her illustrated portrait of her and her Man Candy, Andrew. I get anxiety over gift giving sometimes, especially when I thought the one the year before was a good one. This year I decided to raise the stakes.

Tania and Andrew LOVE the movie UP! and like others, myself included, it is pretty obvious why we find it so special: Carl & Ellie. This movie is awesome and a guaranteed cry fest, that is unless you have a heart of coal.

I wanted to get her some form of collectors item from the movie but either they were too expensive or nothing tickled me hard enough so I decided to make my own.

I am a horrible secret keeper and I have been wanting to share these photos for days now but since the birthday girl had not received it yet I did my best to refrain. Well today I got the “I got it! I love it!” phone call which means I can now share my UP! tea cup with you.

Cup & saucer from IKEA: $3.99
Sharpie oil based paint pens: $3.50 (ish) ea.
the silhouettes were stencils I made based on some images I found online, the rest was freehanded.

The paint pens take a tap to get used to so I recommend you try it out on another surface before you do it on the piece you plan on drawing on. Also, if you just cannot freehand to save your life, you can draw on the cup with a micron pen, fill in with the Sharpie Paint pen and once it dries you can go back with a Q-tip and wipe off the micron. It comes right off.

Now, the only thing is the final outcome is intended for display only. The paint scratches off and definitely won’t work for use which is the only bummer but still. I really liked painting on a different medium and I liked that I was able to give her a one of kind item that I will never be replicating.

Happy birthday Sheriff, you are one of a kind… a wonderful friend and even more extraordinary woman. Stay gold.

*****
photos can also be viewed on my flickr stream

fill in the blank friday / introspection

1. If money wasn’t an issue, the first thing I’d cross of my life list is spending a year traveling all over the world. Considering all responsibilities aside of course.

2. Ketchup on eggs, floppy undercooked bacon and pancakes, beef tongue and 80’s hair metal are things I like that other people think are weird. (I tend to like a lot of odd whatnot)

3. If my life were a movie right now, the title would be “Eat, Clean, Sleep”

4. Three things I am looking forward to this month are the possibility of my ankle pain improving, the massage appointment I need to make and more date nights with my husband.

5. My favorite song to sing in the shower is “I follow rivers” by Lykke Li, this changes often but I only do it when I am home alone cause I am not very good. Living with someone who has perfect pitch isn’t good on the singing confidence.

6. If I found out that the production of Clinique’s Black Honey lipstick was ending this month,I’d go out and buy as much as I could tomorrow.

7. One thing I’ll never grow tired of is Josh. He always has a way to make me laugh, make things better, he is pretty much my favorite person on the planet.

*****

I have been a little on the quiet side cause honestly, I have been really irritable. Everyone and everything annoys the living shit out of me. You can thank facebook for that. Now, I have no room to complain about something that is totally controllable and self inflicted, yes, I know. I need to take a step back from it cause all it is doing is make me hate people… not everyone mind you, cause I have my handfuls of favorite people who really do no wrong. But that other 85%? Holy shizzz… hide, hide, hide. It’s hard for me to step away cause I have no friends, I miss MY friends and since they are scattered all over the damn planet, fb is the best way to engage with them. So damned if I do, damned if I don’t. One thing I do know, if all you post about is god, jesus, politics, religion, your dietary habits and every detail about your workouts on a daily basis, rest assured you made it to the hide list.

Last week was all over the place cause I was under the weather, Reza was sick and I didn’t get very much time to myself or with Josh for that matter. Paired with doing the one car shuffle and Josh working a lot? Fuchin. I wanted to go to the gym but when you feel like you have a sack of potatoes stuffed in your uterus, well, not very conducive. Yes, TMI. I started going to physical therapy for my ankle. I just wish it would fucking get better already cause I need to be more active but I am on a “no impact of any kind” moratorium from the Dr. and a sistah needs to lose weight and I am not going to starve myself and crash diet to make it happen.

I did have a small window to go get some therapy in the form of the antique store. I love going there, popping on my headphones and rummaging through for some gold. I did find some more photos to add to my wall of creepy in the kitchen and all for a whopping $6. SCORE!

So anyway, back to funky space I have been in. I have several friends going through some seriously heavy shit. I won’t get into details about who or what but lets just say it’s the kind of stuff that really makes you think about yourself, where YOU are, your mortality and how you have managed to be so lucky. Pair that with a gut wrenching episode of Grey’s Anatomy and I was a blubbering mess, crying and being so thankful I had no sugary treats in the house cause they would have been devoured stat! It’s hard not be affected by what is going on with those around you, even moreso when there is nothing you can say or do to make it any better. Helplessness is one of the worst feelings in the world. At what point do you take a step back in order to preserve your own frame of mind? It makes me feel selfish as fuck but only I know how much I can and cannot handle and as much as I like to be loving and supportive, I have to stop in order to take care of myself.

Feeling alone is a blessing and a curse. On one hand it gives you time to figure things out on the other hand you end up over thinking and overanalyzing. This whole being a stay at home mom business can be very overrated. There I said it. You have all these super moms on the internet making it look like it’s the most rewarding job on the planet. What they don’t tell you is how thankless and mundane it can be. It isn’t all standing around the kitchen, laughing while licking cookie dough off spoons yo. It’s the same thing every day, the routine, the schedule and the never ending cycle of errands, laundry and house cleaning. This is my life right now and as grateful I am that I have the opportunity to be so involved with taking care of Reza and being home, I won’t lie and say I don’t envy those who have careers, do work they love, who have the ability to feel intellectually stimulated by social exchange with likeminded individuals. I miss it and realistically I don’t see this changing anytime soon, at least not until Reza hits 1st grade.

Welcome to my reality.