Things I Would Tell Myself

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I have been doing a lot of soul searching in the past few weeks. Some of these quests are making me look at myself long and hard. I am finding a lot of things that aren’t pretty, trust me they aren’t. I guess you could say I am kind of going through a bit of an emotional low point. This doesn’t happen often, at least not for me but when it does it arrives hard. It’s crazy how all of a sudden it creeps up on you, a bite on the back of your shoulder and next thing you know the itch is there. The incessant, anxious itch you can’t seem to reach in order to satiate.

In any event, I guess you could say I have neglected this space. Along with so many other things. The reflection of the exterior is a portrait of what’s inside… and what is inside feels disjointed, uneasy, an unfinished puzzle with missing pieces that I am still trying to find. They will turn up eventually, I just need to look a little harder.

It’s hard not to beat myself up over previous decisions in my life. I know some of those things have made me who I am now. The wisdom that came from those things have helped form a foundation on which I stand. Even then, I can’t help but think about where I would be if I just had my current self go back in time.

If I could, this is what I would probably tell myself…

There is great power within you, you just need to know how to hone it and where to direct it. You’ll get there.

Convey your feelings often, hold nothing in. The good, the bad, they ugly. All have an appropriate outlet.

Ask for help when you need it. It’s ok. Needing help is not weakness.

Take your own advice.

Don’t ever let anyone tell you how or who you should be.

If a dude treats you like shit, you leave. It really is that simple. Life is too short to spend it with people who don’t think you’re rad. Same goes for friends.

Speaking of friends, sometimes the best ones will be in the most unlikely of places. Always pay attention to who is actually listening, get rid of the ones who don’t.

It’s ok to be a little shameless.

Stop placing so much value on how others perceive you. You will deny yourself so many wonderful, basic life experiences because of it.

Learn and master the art of humility, gratitude, giving a compliment, accepting a compliment and when to just say “no”.

Spend more time with critters. They will teach you far more about love than some of those stupid dudes you are dating.

Do lots of things for yourself, don’t wait for someone to do it for you.

Question everything but know when to surrender to uncertainty.

Get outdoors more. Some of the best places are outside and free. They will fulfill you more than clubs and bars ever will.

Be better at your finances. I know people say that shit doesn’t matter. It doesn’t buy happiness but it certainly helps keep you from being stressed out all the time.

Travel. See new places, road trip, try new things. You will come back a changed person and will teach you more than a book ever will.

Be honest. Speak loudly. Be heard.

No one likes a sourpuss. No One. So if you’re going to be that person, stay home and work on fixing what is making your puss sour.

Just because you can doesn’t mean you should. Girl.

Trust.

 

 

 

note to self: the xmas edition

The other day I was at Target, walking around and killing time while looking for a gift. I was flying solo at the time and I found myself in the baby/shoes section where a lot of parents hang out with their kids.

Around the corner from me was a woman with her friend and what was probably her daughter. They were trying on shoes and the little girl was not into the whole thing. Then the mom pipes up, “WELL! If you keep acting this way Santa isn’t going to… blah blah blah”.

And I thought to myself, “What. A. Bitch.”

We don’t push the Santa thing, she just kinda picked it up from school and she got into it. We try not to pull the whole naughty/nice thing but I am the first to admit that I have used it as leverage to get my way. But after hearing that lady go off on her kid like that I couldn’t help but feel disgusted and embarrassed for her and for myself cause I have done it too.

Thing is a lot of parents engage in “gift blackmail” but really, how many of us really follow through? How many of us take the presents back and/or withhold all together?

So in this edition of “note to self”: my goal for next xmas is to not be one of those parents that holds santa/gifts over Reza’s head in order to get good behavior out of her. It’s douchey.