So let me tell you about something that happened the other day.
You know those days where you’re overtly self critical and overall down on yourself? Well, I was having one. Welcome to the world of the anxious mind, where even the smallest thing can send you down the spiral of over-critical thought.
I have days where I look at my artwork and think it is mediocre as fuck. I know it isn’t but it’s hard not to fall down the basis of comparison, especially when there is so much goddamned talent out there. It’s an odd balance cause I can be confident about what I do, but sometimes you still go through phases feeling like you’re the Mayor of Phony Town.
My sciatica has flared up something mean in the past week and my body has been in a world of hurt. It’s one of those things that I am motivated to be active, to get out and work it cause this shit isn’t getting any younger. And I’m in this place of the will and the way aren’t on the same page. It’s frustrating as fuck.
On top of that, it was one of those days where you get tagged in a photo that was just not flattering, to me anyway. As someone who has struggled with self esteem related issues, you can imagine the doldrums that sent me into. Being self critical is a motherfucker. I know that my perception isn’t always the case when it comes to reality. This is a convo I have had countless times with several of my people and can you imagine how much more simple, radiant and glorious life would be it would be if we could see ourselves the way others that love us look at us? Shit. Bottle up that feeling and sell it. It would fly off the shelves.
Anyway, I was in the middle of getting one of Josh’s pep talks, which always manage to bring me off the ledge. But then I got a private message request on messenger. I thought, “Well, is this the day I get the dick pic from some random asshole? Wouldn’t that just be the cherry on my shit day sundae”. My skeptical self mulled over even opening it cause it’s usually dudes wanting “make friendship” (read: get their rocks off) with you which I really have no time for. I decided to accept the message… and this is what it was…
This is where I proceed to. Lose. My. Shit. It’s not even about the compliments about my work. It was the fact this complete and total stranger, with zero connections or mutual friends, managed to find me and took a bit of a leap to reach out and take the time to SAY SOMETHING NICE. Fuck. My mood went from ouch to the little band aid that just got placed on my paper cut. There is no way she really had any idea, how at that particular moment I was needing something. A little push from the universe if you will… and there, on my fingerprint encrusted screen, at the most perfect of moments, it arrived plain as day:
“Don’t get swayed or give up”.
I know people love to rip on social media and the festering ass boil it can be, cause let’s face it, it truly can be an awful place. But then in between the cracks, somehow, the water still manages to find its way to flow and build a small stream or a river… it has the ability to forge friendship, a place where we can experience the humanity in connectivity to something a little larger than ourselves. Or in cases such as these, it helped turn the page into another day that didn’t feel quite as dark as the one before it.
Send and accept. You may be so surprised when you do.