1. If money wasn’t an issue, the first thing I’d cross of my life list is spending a year traveling all over the world. Considering all responsibilities aside of course.
2. Ketchup on eggs, floppy undercooked bacon and pancakes, beef tongue and 80’s hair metal are things I like that other people think are weird. (I tend to like a lot of odd whatnot)
3. If my life were a movie right now, the title would be “Eat, Clean, Sleep”
4. Three things I am looking forward to this month are the possibility of my ankle pain improving, the massage appointment I need to make and more date nights with my husband.
5. My favorite song to sing in the shower is “I follow rivers” by Lykke Li, this changes often but I only do it when I am home alone cause I am not very good. Living with someone who has perfect pitch isn’t good on the singing confidence.
6. If I found out that the production of Clinique’s Black Honey lipstick was ending this month,I’d go out and buy as much as I could tomorrow.
7. One thing I’ll never grow tired of is Josh. He always has a way to make me laugh, make things better, he is pretty much my favorite person on the planet.
I have been a little on the quiet side cause honestly, I have been really irritable. Everyone and everything annoys the living shit out of me. You can thank facebook for that. Now, I have no room to complain about something that is totally controllable and self inflicted, yes, I know. I need to take a step back from it cause all it is doing is make me hate people… not everyone mind you, cause I have my handfuls of favorite people who really do no wrong. But that other 85%? Holy shizzz… hide, hide, hide. It’s hard for me to step away cause I have no friends, I miss MY friends and since they are scattered all over the damn planet, fb is the best way to engage with them. So damned if I do, damned if I don’t. One thing I do know, if all you post about is god, jesus, politics, religion, your dietary habits and every detail about your workouts on a daily basis, rest assured you made it to the hide list.
Last week was all over the place cause I was under the weather, Reza was sick and I didn’t get very much time to myself or with Josh for that matter. Paired with doing the one car shuffle and Josh working a lot? Fuchin. I wanted to go to the gym but when you feel like you have a sack of potatoes stuffed in your uterus, well, not very conducive. Yes, TMI. I started going to physical therapy for my ankle. I just wish it would fucking get better already cause I need to be more active but I am on a “no impact of any kind” moratorium from the Dr. and a sistah needs to lose weight and I am not going to starve myself and crash diet to make it happen.
I did have a small window to go get some therapy in the form of the antique store. I love going there, popping on my headphones and rummaging through for some gold. I did find some more photos to add to my wall of creepy in the kitchen and all for a whopping $6. SCORE!
So anyway, back to funky space I have been in. I have several friends going through some seriously heavy shit. I won’t get into details about who or what but lets just say it’s the kind of stuff that really makes you think about yourself, where YOU are, your mortality and how you have managed to be so lucky. Pair that with a gut wrenching episode of Grey’s Anatomy and I was a blubbering mess, crying and being so thankful I had no sugary treats in the house cause they would have been devoured stat! It’s hard not be affected by what is going on with those around you, even moreso when there is nothing you can say or do to make it any better. Helplessness is one of the worst feelings in the world. At what point do you take a step back in order to preserve your own frame of mind? It makes me feel selfish as fuck but only I know how much I can and cannot handle and as much as I like to be loving and supportive, I have to stop in order to take care of myself.
Feeling alone is a blessing and a curse. On one hand it gives you time to figure things out on the other hand you end up over thinking and overanalyzing. This whole being a stay at home mom business can be very overrated. There I said it. You have all these super moms on the internet making it look like it’s the most rewarding job on the planet. What they don’t tell you is how thankless and mundane it can be. It isn’t all standing around the kitchen, laughing while licking cookie dough off spoons yo. It’s the same thing every day, the routine, the schedule and the never ending cycle of errands, laundry and house cleaning. This is my life right now and as grateful I am that I have the opportunity to be so involved with taking care of Reza and being home, I won’t lie and say I don’t envy those who have careers, do work they love, who have the ability to feel intellectually stimulated by social exchange with likeminded individuals. I miss it and realistically I don’t see this changing anytime soon, at least not until Reza hits 1st grade.
Welcome to my reality.