Not sure how this happened but I looked down and most of January is gone. Time hasn’t felt so painfully long, probably cause my headspace is in a much better place. People were lamenting “blue monday” which I never really felt, so the holidays are over, big whoop… we get more ya know? That is unless the Mayans were right then we are all fucked.

For the past almost 2 weeks I have been much better with my intake and as much as I hate to admit it, the bread/gluten and overall dietary abuse was making me one pissy, overinflated bitch. I see the correlation the minute I realize how much happier I am when I don’t eat that shit. Paired with some 5-htp, my hippie herbs and more solid sleep? Feels like night and day to me.

I’m an interesting place right now. I have become so disinterested with so many things, and most of those things are for the better. A year ago I was always glued to the television, reading celebrity gossip, stressed out over uncertainty… basically a bunch of negative feelings that were doing nothing good for my frame of mind. Josh and I are moving forward with canceling our cable btw, I have a feeling there will be zero regrets there. Why pay for something you only partake of once in a very long while? It makes no sense and considering how much time Josh spends away from home, the last thing I want to do when he IS here is to park in front of the box as much as we used to.

Since moving here I have seen such a decrease of drama in my life. I think it has a lot to do with the lack of contact with people, which within itself can be a bad thing but I am choosing to take this time to look into myself a little deeper. I am sitting here typing, listening to some chill music and I have two kittens happily purring and sleeping on my lap. This is what it’s all about. The simple things.

I tend to be a horrible reader cause I need so much quiet and lack of interruption in order to focus. Recently, my book arrived, the Letters Of Frida Kahlo. I have been denting it at a pace that is more rapidly than usual. She gets me thinking, here is this person who was ridden and destroyed with crippling pain, emotional and physical, yet somehow despite all of those debilitating feelings she still managed to put out beauty into the world. It puts shit in perspective so fucking much. Moral of the story: read more and be grateful.

I am trying so hard to exercise a higher sense of self and humility. It’s not an easy thing to do especially when we are in the day and age of the first world complaint, where everyone does nothing but complain about the most trite of things. Shit, even I do it sometimes… the point is, it is distracting to focus on the task at hand, the bigger picture if you will, when people you expose yourself to are doing nothing but looking for a pat on the back. Everyone wants a medal for living these days. Sometimes it takes everything in me to not pipe up on facebook posts and say, “Jesus, will you listen to yourself?”. You think you know people. Note to self: Do a better job of ignoring it.

Reza turned yet another corner. Fed up with her constant insolence and defiance, Josh and I implemented a reward system. She does good, she gets a red heart, she does bad she gets a blue one. 3 blue hearts = time out, for every 5 red she gets to choose from a little prize bin I put together. I was hesitant about whether it would work and it really has, girl has been so much more polite, conscientious and considerate. All so she can pick out stickers. Whatever it takes, right? You don’t know how many times Josh and I stand in her doorway as she sleeps, his arm around me, telling one another how fortunate we are. We know we aren’t perfect but we know we are doing a good job with her and by her. It’a all we can do, right?

Things here in Jersey are surprisingly chill. Yes, it’s cold but I always think it could always be worse. One morning we woke up to find snow all over the place. A white morning and as much as I have been cursing the snow coming, it was actually beautiful to look at. Probably cause this is the first time I really saw it in that kind of abundance. Reza was besides herself, to the point she ran out barefoot and kept eating it. To her dismay it didn’t stick and within hours it was like it never happened. It is supposedly snowing this Saturday and I am thankfully prepared. One thing I have learned about being here? Fashion stops the minute you’re freezing your ass off. Function trumps fashion when your toes feel like they are gonna fall off. Holy Hell.

I have come to accept where we live. I miss my friends, that will never change but we are making the best of what we have for now and rolling with it. I am surprisingly calm about the whole thing, it is so unlike me. Either way I am looking forward to a lot of fun times in the months to come.