The other day Josh and I were talking about this image that was making the rounds on facebook. If you are on facebook chances are, you saw it. Here, let me refresh your memory…
He said to me, “did you see that photo?” and yes I had. He asked me how I felt about it, which then led me into discussion similar to this post…
I have a problem with this image. Want to know why? Here we go…
I am what society calls fat. I know this, have struggled with it all my life. By definition of the medical community I am considered obese. 5’3, size 14. I was lucky to be born with hips and chesticles, big ones too! Josh loves them. Now, what I don’t have is ass. I am a pancake back there. So there, I’m the “big girl”.
I could sit here and applaud that image, thinking to myself, “YEAH! Curves are so much better! REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES!! YARRR”. But instead I cannot help but be offended at how much wank goes on about women and their sizes. The sad part is a lot of the time it’s women ripping apart other women.
Let’s look at who was used for basis of comparison, shall we?
Heidi – girl had multiple plastic surgeries to look that way. AKA unhappy with herself, probably emotionally skewed views of her body image.
Keira – Have you seen her EVER? She has ALWAYS been rail thin. She has probably been naturally waifish since she was a teenager.
Have you ever thought that those thin people also feel the pressures of looking a certain way? That they don’t obsess on the insults just as much as we do?
I know what you’re thinking! “ZOMG, the fatty is defending the thin people, aren’t they glorified enough?! What the hell, aren’t you supposed to be on our side?! Traitor!”.
What am I getting at here? I am getting there….
I know women, online and otherwise who are just naturally thin. They have lean, athletic, small boobied, no assed, small hipped bodies. They’re not anorexic, have eating disorders, etc. Sure, there are always going to be those who do but for all intents and purposes, this post is not about those with DISEASES. That is a whole other animal. But a lot of these naturally thin girls? That is what they are and have been most of their lives.
I defy you to tell me that they are not REAL cause they don’t have “more cushion for the pushin’”. Seriously? If you really believe that dribble than you are no better than the fashion industry force feeding “thinner is better” into everyone. Newsflash! Meat on your bones doesn’t make you a “real woman”, being more than a B cup or being 36-24-36 doesn’t make you a real woman either.
I am just so sick and tired of all this wankery. You know what the worst part of it all is? A lot of the times these statements are coming from WOMEN about other WOMEN. Aren’t we supposed to stand up for one another? We expect the perceptions to change and instead you’re posting that lame photo on facebook to justify yourself and make yourself feel better that you aren’t a size 2. Yes, women have changed over the years but last I checked this isn’t the 50′s anymore… and if that was 20-30 years prior all of the women on the bottom row would be labeled as whores for showing too much skin. See what I did there?
So this is me, saying yes, I am a not a size 2, and probably will never get under a 10. I am ok with this. What I am not ok with is seeing this bullshit perpetrated and fed into. Let me tell you something… Your calling the thinner girls “GROSS” and “SKELETAL” is just as prejudice and demeaning as someone calling you a “FAT ASS” or a “PORKER”. So cut it the fuck out already.
Being honest, truthful, honorable, comfortable, happy and respectful to who we are is what makes us REAL. Being that person and doing it with grace is what makes us a woman. There are things I would love to change and every day I work to change them, to be a better person. By definition, that is what makes me a real PERSON. What makes you real? It certainly isn’t the size of what is attached to your chest.
10 Responses to about “realness”
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My name is Ivonne and this is where I come to unload. I am am artist, wife, mother, loud mouth and Mexican jack of all trades.
Currently my family and I did the unthinkable and uprooted from the West to the East Coast. Me and NJ. You can imagine the hilarity that will ensue when the snow comes.
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There’s so much wrong with that photo. For starters, the top row are candid shots, the bottom are made up and posed and angled. Secondly, if you check out the measurements of these women, they’re NOT that far off from each other. But all of that aside, you’re right, every woman is real, no matter what her size. Body shaming isn’t cool, period.
As a large woman myself, that whole “real women have curves” has always sounded like this to me:
“We’re jealous of all you thin girls, so we’re gonna start this little slogan to make our fat asses feel superior.”
I do not subscribe to that shit at all. Also, we need to take notes from men who have no problem walking around naked and unashamed even when they look like George Costanza. Why should they have all the confidence?
I love you woman.
Hehehe. There was a compare/contrast meme like this about “real men” and they put Robert Pattinson up against Clint Eastwood & I wrote a very similar article deconstructing our images of masculinity. I’m very much not a fan of all these “better than” things. It’s a horrible way to view your life & other people.
link to your article?
Thank you for this. For the longest time I was one of those “thin” girls, now that I’ve had kids and gotten a bit older, I’ve added some weight, but that’s besides the point.
For the longest time I couldn’t get my weight over 125 lbs and being 5’9″ that lead to all sorts of comments about having some sort of eating disorder, needing to eat a cheeseburger or 5, that I was going to blow away if a strong wind came along, etc. I’ve pretty much heard them all.
I also always get the “I must be so great to be so skinny to be able to eat what you want”, line. Let me tell you it’s not all fun and roses having a metabolism that is in hyper-drive most of the time. I *have* to eat a balanced diet and eat constantly or my blood sugar drops or I end up on the anemic end of the scale which causes a laundry list of problems.
People need to realize that both ends of the spectrum have issues with maintaining or fighting weight and other things and really it’s what is inside that makes them a real person not whether or not they have “curves” or “more or even less cushion for he pushin’”
God, we are so in the same freaking page, it’s ridiculous.
We are actually the same size! I’m just taller. I made peace with the fact that I’ll probably never see a single digit size again a long time ago. I ride the bus almost everyday and I see so many beautiful people of all shapes, sizes, colors and ages that will never believe in how beautiful they are. It makes me sad. There is so much money to be made by making us all feel bad about ourselves so most media focuses on sex appeal…even for toddlers!
I agree about the skinny snark. It’s just as damaging and unfailr. I’ve seen thin girls respond to posts like this with genuine hurt over being made to feel that they aren’t ‘real women’. I strongly dislike statements like ‘real mothers just know’. And politicians who pander to ‘real Americans’. It’s divisive and only serves incite conflict.
Love this comment! I agree, I really do my best to avoid any comments about anyone’s weight, whether they are stick thin or a bigger person like me. I realize people that are naturally skinny may be just as unhappy with that as people who are naturally not-so-skinny. It makes my skin crawl when people comment on how thin someone is and how they wish they were that thin.
First off THANK YOU! Speaking as one of the skinny chicks (5’3″ and 105lbs after having a kid) I get sick of the judgment just as much as any one else (fat, thin, tall, short, black, white or purple with green spots) – and yes, I have insecurities just like any other woman (being told you look like a boy with boobs really helps self esteem; so does people constantly telling you that if your boobs/butt/nose/teeth/whatever were only bigger/smaller you’d be pretty). I have trouble finding clothes that fit me (I have to shop in the juniors’ department or be willing/able to pay $200/pants or $75/tops – looking professional when wearing forever21 clothing doesn’t really work so well), not to mention the near impossibility of finding maternity clothes in true xs/0-2 (many brands carry xs, but they fit like a 4-6 instead of 0-2).
I have friends who I literally cannot talk about food or clothing with. I can not ever complain that I can’t find clothes that fit, because they roll their eyes and say things like ‘yeah, it’s so hard being thin.’ If I eat something fattening they complain that I’m so lucky that I can eat whatever I want; if I eat something they consider “diet food” (i.e. salad or a small portion of something) they make snarky comments that I need to eat a cheeseburger, or say it’s no wonder I’m so thin since I obviously don’t eat.
Being judged by other women hurts, no matter if you’re too tall, too heavy, too short, too thin…too whatever.
As a side note…the ideal body type in the 19-teens through the early-to-mid 1930-ies was very boyish and thin. In fact, if you look through the history of clothing, body types go in and out of fashion. So I suppose the answer to the riddle ‘when did this [skinny body] become hotter than this [curvy body]’ would be on and off for centuries, just like curvy bodies.
Sorry so long. Thank you for writing this.